Everyone gather around, bring it in, school circle sit bend kneel it is time for SSgt story time as I am feeling nostalgic.  It was a dark night (more like early morning actually) in Okinawa and me and my buddies were coming back onto camp Schwab but wait I am getting ahead of myself.

For those of you unfamiliar with Oki Camp Schwab is possibly the worst camp to be on while stationed aboard that island prison.  It is a 45 minute bus ride from the larger camps (and any type of night life) located in the Southern part of the Island.  Most of the camp is over there under the Unit Deployment Program (UDP) and will only be there for 6 months therefore unless you are a SSgt (E-6) or higher you cannot have a car so you are stuck on the camp or the surrounding area off base.

So now that you know what kind of hell I was in back in 1996 let’s get back to the story.  The day began as any other Friday would begin we awoke at zero dark thirty and went on a little run around the camp.  We then went to work until 1600.  After work a few of us went to the PX and bought as much beer as we could carry (2-3 cases each) back up the hill.  That beer lasted out group of about 10 until about 1930 and we decided it was time to head to the bowling alley and play some beer frames. 

For those of you unfamiliar with beer frames it goes like this you get a group together and bowl a regular game.  Before you start the first frame you designate a frame or two or three that are beer frames.  Now whoever bowls the lowest score in this frame must then buy the rest of the bowlers a beer.   Then at the end of the game the low score has to go buy a round as well.  Well beer frames lasted until the bowling alley closed (midnight if I remember correctly) and needless to say we were quite intoxicated at this time, but more important we were HUNGRY. 

Time to go get some Yakisoba down at the quickstop in Henoko the little (4 blocks by 4 blocks) town just outside the gate.  We get down there get our grub on and are all feeling much better at this time so hey lets go further into town and continue this night and get some more beer.  After another three hours or so we decide we need to get back to the barracks so that we can get some sleep and then do it all over again Saturday. 

So our group is stumbling back to the camp (10 minute walk at most).  About 3 minutes into the walk Randy lets everyone know he has to piss.  Obviously there is nowhere for him to piss so we tell him to wait the 7 minutes til we get back because there are guard patrols of Marines (Henoko Patrol) as well the Japanese Police (JP) in the area and as a drunk LCpl in Oki you don’t want to be picked up by either.  He agrees and we go another 50 yards and he is complaining again.  OK we say go over to the fence (yes it is the camp’s fence) we will watch out for you and take care of your business.

Randy walks over to the fence leans against his head against the fence as only a drunk man can do and proceeds to drain the main vein.  We notice him give it a little shake stand up and start back towards us.  Well once he turned around we noticed he missed a very important step before he took care of business.  You see he forgot to unzip and remove his member from his pants before he took his leak and it was obvious as he had a HUGE wet spot all down the front of his pants.

We tease him and what not all the way back to the gate get through the gate with no problems (still not sure how that happened) and proceed back to the barracks.  We all go to our rooms pass out and sleep for a few hours.  We get up go to the chow hall eat breakfast and then another group head down to the PX to pick up the cases so we can start all over again.

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